Meine Lieblingszeitverschwendung

Fucked.

2007-06-24T21:02:00.000-05:00

Aren't we all? Some find comfort in others' arms. Some find comfort in arms. Some's comfort can't keep others from leaving the farm. Tulsa is a pile. Money, like everything, is worthless if you have someone to share it with. Die Leiden der Einsamen dauert eine Ewigkeit. Die Leiden der Bloeden dauert einige Minuten. So wird es immer sein. Beschissen.

HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

2007-01-31T14:23:00.000-06:00

I stole from a post on Tony's myspace page:

don't forget to check out The Jakes' new song on myspace!!!!!!

Frankenguitar

2007-01-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

Univox + Red Fender Squier + sanding + stain + finish + rewiring=

Repost: In The Mood For Some Heine.

2007-01-21T20:13:00.000-06:00

Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

Ein Weib

Sie hatten sich beide so herzlich lieb,
Spitzbübin war sie, er war ein Dieb.
Wenn er Schelmenstreiche machte,
Sie warf sich aufs Bette und lachte.

Der Tag verging in Freud und Lust,
Des Nachts lag sie an seiner Brust.
Als man ins Gefängnis ihn brachte,
Sie stand am Fenster und lachte.

Er ließ ihr sagen: »O komm zu mir,
Ich sehne mich so sehr nach dir,
Ich rufe nach dir, ich schmachte« -
Sie schüttelt' das Haupt und lachte.

Um sechse des Morgens ward er gehenkt,
Um sieben ward er ins Grab gesenkt;
Sie aber schon um achte
Trank roten Wein und lachte.

If you question the genius or the chilling foresight of this man, look no further (than your shitty free online translation):
or for particular words

For ease of copy and paste the quote from the picture below:

"Das war ein Vorspiel nur, dort wo man Buecher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen."

Trust Your Gut

2007-01-18T03:04:00.000-06:00

Many times in my life, 'reason' and what might be considered more 'practical' has interfered with me making a sound decision based on what i feel is may be
appropriate, given the situation. Finally, I envoked my gut from a year's past and traded in my gunt for what I knew was what I wanted. When in Rolla......

get some.

The Blind Shoemaker

2007-01-16T03:30:00.000-06:00

I now have a site from which to project my musical BS from. Eat it......

www.myspace.com/baronvonjakenstein

Fu$$in' A!

2006-11-26T14:32:00.000-06:00

Beaman sent me this one. Hat is off to this man.

OMG.

2006-11-07T07:15:00.000-06:00

I seem to have an uncanny ability to choose roommates with MC Hammer dance skills. From the early days of Kreps doing the jump-over-own-leg-while-holding-the-foot dance to this awesome hilarious piece of shit. Without further a-dookie, I give you Paul doing 'The Hammer.'

Newsflash!

2006-10-15T01:08:00.000-05:00

Real Cops have a lot of shit to deal with. I just got pulled over (on foot) by one of Rolla's finest. I knew he was gonna fuck with me before I even made it to the stop sign. I saw him drivin'. He saw me walkin' and drinkin.' It's against city ordinance to drink in public. Luckily, he was cool and I was compliant. I watched him do a u-ey, and roll up on me. The critical part of this situation is that I imagined thatI I was him. The first thing I did when I saw him do the u-ey was put down my beer and make sure that he could see my hands. This is key. If one want not be shot by the police, either don't be black, or make sure that these guys can see your hands . I remember talking to StL cops one time. Those fuckers only make like $30'g's a year to get shot at by all those boys in the hood. THAT SUCKS! Despite my experiences in suburbia, I still have a great respect for the good cops. they're out there, just expect it. and if confronted by the other half...... record it. They'd surely be too stupid to fig' it out.

Don't Make Me Warn You To Watch Your Fingers..... (inside joke)

2006-10-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

60-75lb Chunk of Hardened Steel .... + Residual Tap Oil in a

Random Spot ... + Gravity ...... + Poorly Placed Thumb

...... = .

I've nailed my thumb with a hammer a number of times in my years, but MOTHERF#$%ER! I've been told by a reliable source that my thumbnail will fall off at some point in the near future. I am intruiged, and morbidly fascinated with the possibility that it will fall off.

In short, it's Friday night in Rolla and the Company does not exist. Rollafied.

Beer Bong!

Just A Reminder. Mozart = God.

2006-10-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

Chadillac Owned!

2006-10-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

HAAAAA!!!

2006-10-13T19:11:00.000-05:00

My friend Barry from high school hooked me up with this picture. I'm pretty sure this is from the parking lot at a phish show in Memphis, summer '95. My how times have changed.

Here's another one from that summer:

WTF!!??

2006-09-27T10:31:00.000-05:00

I am so tired of hearing about shit like this. A German Opera house's production of Mozart has been cancelled beacause of fear of offending Muslims (namely, the uneducated violent ones). When will we stop kowtowing to these assholes? Fuck 'em!

Classical Music

2006-09-19T22:09:00.000-05:00

I am now convinced that there is no more brilliant and inarguable mode of self expression than through instrumental music. Talk, talk play, play, has never turned my head. I've always listened to the music itself. I have long supected this, on a differeent plane. any vocal interuption is surely to be interpreted as something other than intended by the writer, and is simply wasteful; regardless of how close to the origional point it actually is. (see recent pope speech quoting 14th century whoever). when something is purely musical, as mozart, Bach, ......the Mahavishnu Orchestra, or The Sayers' most recent release, there is nothing to discuss. The music is just there. It tells the story. Unlike literature, there is no dude to say that 'the way it makes you feel' "is wrong," or "right."

Down with vocals, up with the musicianship!!!!

Beet stew!

Acorns!

Herzeleid

2006-09-19T01:40:00.000-05:00

Jake

"Nur das Herzleid und der Tod sind sicher. Deswegen, heiße ich Stacheldrahtpeitsche. Ich bin hier einfach als Verkörperung dieser Ahnung ....... damit Alle von meinen Erfahrungen lernen können."

OMFG.

2006-09-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

Beaman sent me this one. This is fucking hilarious.

What is your money on?

2006-09-10T02:10:00.000-05:00

Will I, or will I not make it until may? May, being of course, my month of redemptive extradition from this shitty Missouri town. I'm thinkin' 50/50. Others have their doubts.

OMFG.

2006-09-06T20:24:00.000-05:00

I knew Jack was hiding something about his past as a male model when I saw the underwear ad (repost), but I had no idea that he had changed his name. I mean who can compete with D.H.? I'd wanna keep it on the D.L. as well. Apparently there was a wax job at some point.

"Where's Beaman?" -MLZV Chief Columnist Jake

2006-09-01T10:37:00.000-05:00

As noted over at DGAOY, Edvard Munch's painting 'The Scream' was recently recovered from thieves. The one thing that they left out in that story was that it had been slightly modified to make it creepier. These guys were really wierd.

The Creepometer's Dust Has Been Swiffered.

2006-08-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

For those people that know me, this ceramic piece may be familiar. Most of my friends now probably don't know much about me around the time that I made it. This was the first piece of many that I made in the time that I played with clay. I was 16 when I made this one. It was somewhat modeled after exagerations of what I saw in the mirror sometimes at that age. I finished it a couple of days before I got shipped to Montana for two months, and I finished glazing it when I got back. A few weeks ago, I took some analogs of it, and thought that it needed to be analyzed by the creepometer. When I find an appropriate picture from the time of creation, I may take the time to redo this superimposition, as it would probably work better. But for the meantime.........whatever. I never took the Jake factor to %100, as it just ruined the whole thing. So, what you have here is 0, 25, 50, and %75 Jakes. %25 percent is my personal favorite. I think that the %25 would take the creepometer to the red, but I would have to ask Tony, as he is the official creepometer official. Without further adookie:

WTF?

2006-08-26T14:57:00.000-05:00

I recently had the pleasure/misfortune of playing Trivial Pursuit 90's Edition with 3 actors/writers in LA. I got owned. So, here: who am I? If you can't get this, let me know. I'll send you a stupidity condolence package.

Feast Thine Eyes

2006-08-18T01:22:00.000-05:00

OMFG.

2006-08-15T23:31:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't normally make a blog post on vacation, but I was treated this internet gem last night. I don't know if you have heard of World of Warcraft, but gamers can dork out on this motherfucker and talk to eachother while they play, as you will see in the video. Most of them take this game way too seriously. Leeroy's clown-hand is very strong. Get a towel.

For Those Who See No Real Meaning....

2006-08-03T23:55:00.000-05:00

And on the eighth day, god created Pistachios, John Barleycorn, the current environment of Walmart-übercapitalism, supreme satiation of, and the concurrent suppression of all that makes a man a man; i.e. the domesticated. And by domesticated, I mean emasculated. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were God that gave us Marx's 'Social Darwinism?' A contrived environment in which the most servile, unrighteous, undeserving asshats obtain the power. Oh, wait....Schon passiert. But of course, that is in and of itself contradictory (this circle just became a whirlpool). Distortion of everthing pure and meaningful is now the piper's tune. Jesus becomes pro rich and pro war; to a people that he has no ethnic or cultural realtion. There are no more good wars to fight. Only murder. Us or them. No honor in war anymore. That died in 1945. I missed my chance. There's nothing worth fighting and dying for anymore, unless it's killing embedded FOX news reporters (joke, ok, sort-of joke). I can only hope that when WWIII breaks out, I am still concious of what I believe, able, of sound mind, and well armed.
I'd break something, but I'm too tired from the shop. My grandmother was always right when she said (like other grandmas,) 'idle hands are the Devil's playground.' Moral of the story boys: keep your hands busy, even if it makes you look like rain-man, or Pee-Wee Hermann at a movie theater.

Sehnsucht ist so grausam. RE-Post

2006-08-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

I figured I'd put this Heine up in English. It's not Heine-pure, but Heine for-sure: The translation ist interesting, but successfully conveys the point. If you want more German lierature (i.e. stark realism), get you some of Georg Büchner's "Woyczeck," or Gerhardt Hauptmann's "Bahnwärter Thiel." This is German literaure at it's best. My favorite piece is stll Theodor Storm's "Der Schimmelreiter." Without further adue....

Heinrich Heine's "Das Weib"

They both embarked on a loving spree,
She was a crook and so was he.
After the smallest prank that he committed,
She threw herself on the bed and giggled.
The days went by with joy and lust,
At night she laid upon his chest.
The very day he was imprisoned,
She stood by the window and giggled.

Please come to me, he let her hear,
I long so much for you, my dear.
I call you , I am despaired -
She shook her head and giggled.

At the sixth hour of the morning, he hung in disgrace,
At the seventh hour, he was sent to his resting place;
As the strokes of eight could be heard,
She already drank red wine and giggled.

Die Affenschlacht

2006-07-28T03:24:00.000-05:00

Wenn ich nur einen Affen hätte. Wenn ich nur einen Affen finden könnte, mit dem ich täglich kämpfen könnte. Das wär' es.

Egal. To my friends: my prayers are with the IDF. May they be wise, prudent, just, merciful, and wipe hezbollah of the face of this green fuckin' earth.

There is only one cure for a tumor....permanent removal.

F@#$ing Awesome.

2006-07-27T00:03:00.000-05:00

Stole this from Mongofünf's (entertaining german band, but ultimately too modern rock) myspace page. Great fucking idea. Too bad I missed this meeting. I just wish I had known, I would have made my own contribution.

True Heroes.

2006-07-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

Whenever terrorist assholes get all riled up, You can always count on Darla and Christian to take 'em down.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

2006-07-24T22:41:00.000-05:00

Christian thinks that Brussels is in Germany!!!!!! Check it!! The Thurs, July 20th Post.

Ouwiiie?

2006-07-19T01:33:00.000-05:00

I have coated the inside of my soul with with a generous helping of 'fuck off.' Oh yeah, Christian ist ein taubenmasturbierendes, ziegenfickendes, rattensaugendes Arschloch. Oops. Kostenlose Übersetzung? Bitte, leck mich an die Eier. Ach, du scheiβe, habe ich die Übersetzungsmöglichkeiten verwenigerten? Oh, tut mir so wirklich Leid. Leck mich am rosenroten Arsch!

Schon Besoffen.

2006-07-16T17:07:00.000-05:00

Wie koennte man denn besser einen Sonntag feiern? Scheissdosenbier und Zigaretten, gute Musik, die Kaetzle und Pistachios. Gelangweilt, besoffen, und einsam. Heute Abend werde ich bestimmt ziehmlich frueh einschlafen. Das waere besser als mich die ganze Nacht allein im Bett bewundern, ob ich irgendwie, irgendwann Schlaf finden werde. Tut mir Leid wenn ich Fehler mache, ich bin "Drunnk in the daaytime, drunk in the daaytime!"

My Roommate Is a Total Jackass

2006-07-15T16:33:00.000-05:00

This is an old phone message that Paul left on my machine when I basically didn't leave my apartment for a week because I was so fucking depressed. I saved it, because it's pretty funny. They make fun of me because I'm old. It's pretty funny. Whenever I say "what?" the response I often get is "dude, turn up your Beltone!" Enjoy:

Another Happening Night In Rolla

2006-07-14T22:53:00.000-05:00

I just caught myself browsing my 1400 page calculus book that I used the other night for reference. I was looking through it, remembering how great the days of Calc III were. Somebody shoot me.

At least I'm not sitting at KUMR.

Just Another Day at 1505 Ross

2006-07-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

This is one of the worst photoshops I've ever done, but I have to go to class so I've excused myself from any responsibility. I miss these peeps big time.

Bloggaluffaguss.

2006-07-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

Blogging away, and came across this picture of my great-grandad's cousin or brother?(great-great uncle, grr-gruncle?) Walter Adams hanging out in LA at the Mount Wilson Observatory with Einstein and Hubble. Does the brow on that fucker in the background look familiar to anyone? I can see some similarity, but where did this guy get the motivation? Maybe if I went out there to Mount Wilson and showed them a family tree, they'd let me sweep the floors. I'm a moron.

Take Me Back to.....

2006-07-12T10:28:00.000-05:00

Switz-er-land. Lookin' through old pics again and found this one from atop the "Crow Hill," after which I am named. Fucking gorgeous. If only they weren't being burned at the stake there for what they believed .......

The Creepometer is Being Heavily Taxed.

2006-07-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

Recently, my roomate Paul (a.k.a. the Jesus) and I installed a pull-up bar in our stairwell. This is a good thing. Right now, every time I go down the stairs, and my hands are free, I do 5 pull-ups. Hopefully, I will keep this up. Anyways, as I have a thing for monkeys, and liken myself to one, I figured I would get a picture of myself swinging from the bar as a testament to my appreciation of my forefathers and their struggles as they left the trees of Africa and dragged their knuckles on the ground all the way north to Europe. However, what was initially supposed to be a funny picture of my ape-like self, actually turned out to be proof that I am going straight to hell, as I am apparently fully posessed by a demon. The look on my face in this picture is literally so fucking creepy, I had to tone it down with some medieval german architectural anti-demon-decoration.

yeah.

Toe-Knee, 1-10? You are the official creepometer official.

2 Blocks Is a Long Way In Rolla.

2006-07-09T00:50:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting here, as I do so often when I decide to spend the weekend here instead of my hometown, the STL. I thought to myself; hey, its 12:45, I think I wanna beer. So, I walked up to the 66 up the street and bought myself a two-by-four. That's Rolla/(whatever else) for a 24 oz. can of beer. The funny/creepy thing is that I actually called it a 2X4 in my head. The beer itself is somewhat enjoyable, but what tickles my ass so much more is the fact that I am so 'Rollafied' (credit to Paul Monroe, the Roomie for that term). I was literally laughing the whole way home about my 2X4, and the exchange of "y'all's," etc. at the 66. I could imagine, that for the 3 people that actually read this shit, this is a boring post..... Well, Jack, Claire and Josh....... Howdy and yeeeeehaw!

This is my bloggy, and I'll.....uhhh......be trailer trash if I want to.

Oh yeah,

Paul, I know you read this shit at the station. I'm gonna go get the wookie all riled up and lock him in your room. Don't fucking wake me up when he attacks you at 6 am.

the wookie rules this, and three other universes. Ask him about it, I dare you.

Metal Is Still Cooler Than Wood.

2006-07-06T16:50:00.000-05:00

Today, my class got cancelled, so I spent the whole day in the shop. They started me off milling a 1" thick plate os steel to approximate square, then put me on the surface grinder. I have never worked a surface grinder before. This tool fucking rocks, and it's potentially disastrous if not used correctly, which makes it even more exciting. With this tool, one can grind a surface down up to .002" (about half the thickness of a sheet of paper) at a time with an accuracy of up to .0002" They also showed me how to get a piece of metal PERFECTLY square, and make it look like a fucking mirror. I feel like I'm learning more in the shop than in my classes. I love this shit. It's like disney world every day.

The first half of the video is the milling machine, the second is the grinder. The grinding vid is much slower than usual, as I was using one hand. ;)

OMFG.

2006-07-06T09:37:00.000-05:00

My friend Stephanie shared this one with me. I am again speechless. If I had been the same dude in the seventies, which dude would I have been in this band? This is not a test. This is not a joke. The moustaches are real. This scares and tickles me.

for some reason, I can't embed this video, so here's the link. It's a big file, but OMFG it's worth it!!! (safe for work, although women in bikinis are on the vid)

http://he.fi/video/apache.mpg

This Is Just a Good Picture.

2006-07-06T00:50:00.000-05:00

Mid-Überclown. Warm, morning-beer, good company, endless supply of things to make fun of.... Wipe the tears from your eye T, there is more stupidity OTW. Doesn't get much better. Except Christmas.

Can't Sleep Again, Need More Heine.

2006-07-05T06:05:00.000-05:00

Once again, I can't sleep. Stuck with my own thoughts and irrational, incoherent ramblings of my restless mind, what could be better than the tragedy of a Heine poem to calm my senses and make me realize that any perceived, yet truly non-existent tragedy of mine pales in comparison to the plight of any fellow so unfortunate to be the focus of any piece of German literature.

Der wunde Ritter

Ich weiß eine alte Kunde,
Die hallet dumpf und trüb:
Ein Ritter liegt liebeswunde,
Doch treulos ist sein Lieb.

Als treulos muß er verachten
Die eigne Herzliebste sein,
Als schimpflich muß er betrachten
Die eigne Liebespein.

Er möcht in die Schranken reiten
Und rufen die Ritter zum Streit:
»Der mag sich zum Kampfe bereiten,
Wer mein Lieb eines Makels zeiht!«

Da würden wohl alle schweigen,
Nur nicht sein eigener Schmerz;
Da müßt er die Lanze neigen
Wider 's eigne klagende Herz.

Boo-Hoo, now shoot me. I guess I could always feed Paul to the Wookie. That would be moderately interesting.

Darla Scares Me.

2006-07-04T00:43:00.000-05:00

As mentioned in my previous post, I just saw "Shaun of the Dead." It really made me think about this picture of the Darla. She should have been in the movie (as a zombie, of course). Don't feed her after midnight. Lock your doors, too.

Omfg.

2006-07-01T02:24:00.000-05:00

I have been putting this rental off for...? I rented the dumbest fucking movie tonight. In case you just passed this one over (or, are not retarded (guilty)), don't ever rent "Firewall." It amazes me that everyone involved with this piece of shit probably made 10-15X (to even fuck-it #'s) more last year than your average family man. What a piece of shit.

Instead, rent "Shaun of the Dead!!!" I know this is an 'old' movie, but WTF!? I can't believe I still haven't seen this. This is like the 'Friday' for whitty middle-class, white-folk. Why did none of my friends (jack), not punch me in the balls for not seeing this? Retarded, funny, and blood-ridden. Weeeeeeeeee!

god hates me.

Poof.

No Post? West Fucking Coast.

2006-06-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

I haven't made a post in a while. Reasons being: Moved, hung out in STL for a while and also just spent 5 days on the west caost. It was a spur of the moment opportunity/decision. It was fucking awesome. Here are a few pics:

! ! !

2006-06-19T00:58:00.000-05:00

I don't know what this means, but I wanted to share.

The Wookie is on The Mend

2006-06-18T19:29:00.000-05:00

His insulin is working. This makes the Wookie wanna dance.

New Photoshop Series

2006-06-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

I warned Christian that I was going to own this photo. So, let the games begin. I figured I would start off pretty soft-core. It's all downhill from here. Don't worry all, I wont post anything not safe for work on this page. If it ever goes that far (doubtful), i'll insert (NPI) a link.

Metal Is So Much Cooler Than Wood

2006-06-13T21:14:00.000-05:00

I started work in the machine shop yesterday. They started me off milling 1/4" aluminum plate to a tolerance of +/- 5/1000". I have included a couple of videos. I'm sure that these are boring for most/all of you, but this stuff gives me serious wood. N.P.I. Too bad the videos from my phone suck so bad.

My Friend is a Movie Star

2006-06-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

I recently had the pleasure of hanging out with an old friend from my Creve Coeur hood. Not only is she a super-cool chic, but she is also a very talented actress. It turns out that she had a part as 'Gretchen' in "Kate & Leopold", not to mention that I've seen her on 'Law & Order' a couple of times and on 'Strangers with Candy' back when I was at MU. That is definitely on my top ten of 'most surprised' (the strangers with candy episode). So, rent 'Kate & Leopold,' and look for 'Gretchen' the nurse. Very cool.

She found me on MySpace, so I made this video to put on her page so she couldn't deny her roots (pretty funny):

Not Too Deep, But Hilarious

2006-06-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

Oh Where, Oh Where Have All The Circus Freaks Gone?

2006-06-07T22:18:00.000-05:00

Answer....... wal-mart, wal-mart, .........fuckin' wal-mart!!!!! I've been to the Rolla wal-mart a million times, but today I had an extra-special experience. After I picked up The Wookie from the vet, I went to Wal-Mart to get his insulin and 100 syringes. Yes, that's right. The Wookie's diabetes has taken a turn for the worse and I now have to inject him with insulin twice a day. So, before I went to pick up The Wook, I had just finished lifting and hadn't eaten in too long, so I was already a little edgy. I went to the counter at the good ol' wal-mart pharmacy and said:
"I'm here to pick up a prescription for my cat. Insulin and syringes, uhh for diabetes"
This fat bitch behind the counter with the hairy CHIN looked at me with a pretentious smile, as if her position was something demanding my respect and said:
"Your cat has diabetes, that's funny."
I could feel the veins in my neck bulge, but was able to contain my response to:
"Yeah, it's fucking hilarious, isn't it?"
I grabbed the bag out of her fat, puffy hand; noticing a ring that looked as if it had been grown around, nearly to the point of disappearing, kind of like how a tree grows around a knot, or like the bark bulges and grows around a tree's limb that has been hacked off.

At this point I was feeling overly judgmental, so I decided to look around. I mean I really just walked around for a minute and watched the fuckin' circus roll by.

I have never seen so many missing teeth, pregnant 14-year-olds, mullets, 2-inch-thick glasses, people that are sooooo fucking fat that they can't walk but rather ride a little cart, saggy tits, leathery skin, gangster wanna-be's, pimped-out shit-wagons, and wandering eyes in my whole fucking life. Or at least, not since I lived in the CWE and had to shop at the Lindell Schnucks (minus the mullets of course). Un-fucking-beleivable.

I guess I had just gotten used to that shit.

Rollafied.

P.S. for those interested, The wookie seems to like the new place a lot better (I just moved him here today after the vet), and took the first shot well. It's like he didn't even notice. That made me happy.

OMG! Run for Your Lives!!!!!!

2006-06-05T05:44:00.000-05:00

Still can't sleep, so here ya go. HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Dog Acting Up? Try This!

2006-06-05T04:50:00.000-05:00

I can't sleep at all for some reason. So, I decided to look through old pictures for photoshop prospects and found this. I had completely forgotten that when Elsa was a couple of months old, she would run around acting like a puppy would, freaking out, biting ankles and chewing on stuff. So, after a few beers I decided to put the 12-pack box on her head. She did not resist, but once the box was on her head, she FROZE. Did not move at all!!!!! No matter how riled up she was, beer box on head.....episode over. Then when we took the box off, she went right back to acting up. It was like she was fuckin' frozen in time. I can't stop laughing even right now, 1.5 yrs later. LOL I am ROTFL!

Then of course, there is this one: I miss that doggy.

Creep-ah-metter

2006-06-05T01:43:00.000-05:00

I have been informed that this photo registers high readings on the Creepometer (not Creepy-Meter as previously thought; see title for correct pronunciation).

Lack of Appreciation for a Brilliant Man

2006-05-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

The fu(a)rther I get along in my studies of engineering, mathematics, mechanics, etc., the more I hear about this guy. Before I moved to rolla, I actually attended a mathematics forum/meeting/lecture/seminar @ UMSL given by some Harvard/Yale/other-notable-ivy-league-school mathematician devoted to the life of this man. The numbers involved in quantifying his contributions to mathematics are mind-boggling (quantifiable in many cases for comparative analysis). In any-little-thing-that-people-like of any value, as most people know.... there is always some guy/girl that is by far better than the poster boy for that field of study. Your high-school/college math or physics class gave you Sir Isaac Newton; A brilliant man with immeasurable contributions to physics and calculus (if you don't believe in Gauss (mathematics-wise)). Every math-mechanics-energy-differential-equations class that I have taken from the git-go a couple years ago, all I hear is : Euler, Euler, Leonhard fucking Euler! Not to mention he was friends with the Bernoulli family (calc 2 nightmare, thanks Jakob). If there is an alien or god-like force that wants us to know about how the world works and the quantification thereof, this was the man chosen to relay the message. Not only did he leave us with VOLUMES of mathematics and mechanics, but he left us with such quality AND quantity that (from what I heard at the aforementioned seminar), mathematicians are still trying to make sense of the volumes and volumes that he produced to this very fucking day (He died in 1783). Math and Physics fascinate me. This guy was a gift from any god if there is one.

He is funny lookin', but he's also Swiss-German, so he's gotta be brilliant ;}

Broot toot foot. (My contribution to the human race)

The Creepy Meter Just Won't Quit 'Til We Take It To 11

2006-05-30T16:28:00.000-05:00

REPOST - Here's the Deal

2006-05-26T02:39:00.000-05:00

I have received MORE feedback about my blog and its content.

One comment that immediately come to mind is:

"Hi, What's going on in Rolla? I hope you have not completely lost your mind yet. But, as I saw on your web-page, I think you have."

I figure eventually more people will view this blog. People that I know and maybe even people that I don't know will look at this sh@#. I assume that similar comments will be made about the content of my blog in the future, so let me make a few presumptions about what will be said:

"This guy has way too much free-time."
"Isn't he like almost thirty? What an immature jack-ass."
"What a dork."
"This guy is disturbed."
"Wow, he really needs to get laid."
"What a loser."

Now I'll admit that one, or even a number of these statements might be true. But before you judge, keep a few things in mind:

1) I take my computer everywhere with me. Take your shovel, microphone, business card, esquire, kitchen knife or what ever it is that you use all day and replace it with a laptop computer. Yes, I've turned into that guy.

2) I'm as fast on the draw with my Adobe Photoshop version 5.0 as I am with my Ti-86 graphing calculator. It really doesn't take that long to do this stuff.

3) I live in MOTHER@&%@!ING GOD D$#@ %$##%$^! *&*&^! PIECE of ^%$# GOAT $## (*&^%%*&^$$ (*&^%%%*^$#@! ROLLA F^%$ING, MISSOURI so F%$# OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is to that, which makes me appear insane, that I owe my sanity.

Metaphors

2006-05-26T01:17:00.000-05:00

I just watched the movie "Unforgiven" again. Favorite new quote from it: "I just don't wanna get killed for lack of shootin' back." If dems and other liberals would embrace all of their rights, the shooting range would be a good place to talk to other folks and show them the error of their uneducated ways (respectfully, of course). Pacifism is why george bush is still in office. Fences and pussies and fear of guns will only lead to one thing. Guess what it is. Guns are the same as anything else. Only the uneducated are dangerous.

Women as Explained by Engineers

2006-05-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

This is fucking hilarious. Too bad the ones that don't fit the stereotype are so few and far between. Not to mention, I believe the saying is "money is the root of all EVOL," not 'problems' LOL! ROTFL! afk, brb. sry k cul8r.

"Some of My Favorite Things Not to Get on You" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

2006-05-25T12:50:00.000-05:00

Another one of my favorites from over at DGAOY:

God Help Me

2006-05-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

This is Paul, A.K.A. as of next week, my new roomate.

This is Paul attacking a drunk friend of his by punching him in the balls.

This is the aftermath of Paul's assault with an "intentional" grammatical error.

All I can say is that I'm locking my fucking door at night.

Mozart Abuse...

2006-05-23T02:10:00.000-05:00

I just saw "The New World." I thought that it was a a good film. The love story is purley romantntic and full of suckerish-bullshit as am I. I was however, thoroughly pissed at the abuse of the piano concerto no.23. I was initially mystified that they used it in the movie. I literally thought that my computer's media player was on the fritz when I first started to hear it. I thought I was the only person that played this piece 10 times per day. Ten minutes and then 45-70 minutes later in to the movie, I was pissed that they murdered it, cut and pasted it, like it was Zeppelin for a Caddy commercial. WTF!? WTF!? Play it once. Let it rip out the listener'(s') soul as it did mine the first and 2000'th time I heard it. Don't fuck it and all involved. Really, WTF?!!

Opposable Thumb Appreciation Day

2006-05-17T14:42:00.000-05:00

I officially declare yesterday, May 16 to be opposable thumb appreciation day. As Sly, my pet python of 14 years often reminds me, It is a wonderful thing to be at the top of the food chain. I can't imagine it would be that great to spend the last moments of my life being sold, transported in an empty 'Fruit Roll-Ups' box, and then eaten.
So, watch this video, look at these pictures 1 2 3 , and tell your thumbs that you love them.

"Where's Beaman?" MLZV Chief Jake

2006-05-17T13:17:00.000-05:00

Anyone that has lived with Beaman or knows him well, knows that he doesn't just eat a sandwich, he goes to a different place and makes love to it. This place is called........ Happy Sandwich Land.

New Confidence in 'Good'

2006-05-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

I finally got to see the the De La Hoya - Mayorga (sp?) fight. This was a great fight by a great guy. It's good to see shit like this. It gives one confidence in the perpetual fight between 'Good and Asshole.' If you are unfamiliar with De La Hoya, or why he is such a great boxer or just a good guy, just google him. Or better yet, just ask Rabon (at least about his boxing skills). Oh, and try to avoid checking out any of his albums that he has recorded, as it may spoil the whole thing.

OMFG.

2006-05-15T04:54:00.000-05:00

For some reason, for the past hours, I can't stop playing this mahavishnu shit, so it's my profile song on me space. I swear this takes me back, takes me back. And my god, hats off to whoever recorded this. My dick wants to meet the microphones that were on the drums.......no resonators on the toms. did anyone use em back then?

Sainthood

2006-05-15T04:05:00.000-05:00

My vote is for The Wookie. Poor bastard has diabetes..... He is still however, a ray of light in a dark world.

Shannanoookie, Sha-na-nooookie, weep-weep.

In The Mood For Some More Heine

2006-05-15T02:56:00.000-05:00

For some reason, this poem reminds me of this time, and this person......

Lorelei
Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten

Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten
Daß ich so traurig bin;
Ein Märchen aus alten Zeiten
Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn.
Die Luft ist kühl und es dunkelt,
Und ruhig fließt der Rhein;
Der Gipfel des Berges funkelt
Im Abendsonnenschein.

Die schönste Jungfrau sitzet
Dort oben wunderbar,
Ihr goldnes Geschmeide blitzet
Sie kämmt ihr goldenes Haar.

Sie kämmt es mit goldenem Kamme
Und singt ein Lied dabei;
Das hat eine wundersame
Gewaltige Melodei.

Den Schiffer im kleinen Schiffe
ergreift es mit wildem Weh,
Er schaut nicht die Felsenriffe,
Er schaut nur hinauf in die Höh.

Ich glaube, die Wellen verschlingen
Am Ende Schiffer und Kahn;
Und das hat mit ihrem Singen
Die Lorelei getan.

The Internet Is Weird

2006-05-15T01:40:00.000-05:00

I was watching the movie "walk the line" and decided to look up some of the people in the movie. You know, find out what they really looked like. Within two minutes of learning about this web of people from decades ago, I fall in love with a woman that died in 1982. I don't know, she might even be (have been) more beautiful than Uma.

Romy Schneider....The name rings a faint bell, but I really know nothing about her.

People With Too Much Free Time

2006-05-14T12:21:00.000-05:00

This is weird, but fun.

"Where's Beaman?" MLZV Chief Jake

2006-05-11T15:47:00.000-05:00

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dorks Gone Wild 2

2006-05-11T12:46:00.000-05:00

I'm struggling to think uo other ways to destroy the remains of this much hated device. I'm up for suggestions.....

Feeling Much Better Today

2006-05-08T19:41:00.000-05:00

Uh, sorry about that last post. I was lonely and tired and pissed off. Why do I feel better today? Well unlike some people, when I get pissed off, I like to hurt things, not other people. I like to break stuff. Even though my old piece-O-shit cell phone has already been smashed by 30,000 lbs (see video below), I decided to keep it so that I could break it "more." This time, I really fucked it up. Ohhh, it felt so good. More "Dorks Gone Wild" is on the way! For right now, I have to study for my Mechanics of Materials final tomorrow morning.

To all the saudis that read my blog (ha ha)..... Uh, sorry dudes. I know there are some good people over there, they're just not in power.

Poser Saint Sells False Sense of Security in the form of an SUV!

2006-05-08T00:26:00.000-05:00

.....And people fucking buy it. We're all gonna fucking die. Either that or be owned by the fucking saudi royal family. Fuck saudi arabia. Fuck their powerful oil lobby, and the life they suck out of our economy. Until Hydrogen, buy E85 compatible or a japanese car. Do anything to keep your dollar from going to a country that still has public beheadings. Fuck these people, their selective morality, and the extreme distortion of Christianity in our country that willingly and profitably feeds these insatiable fucks. Jesus was a (the first) fucking rockstar, not a pro-rich, pro-war asshole. This drives me fucking insane! I can't take these ignorant fuckers anymore!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Yeah, and I'm all for immigration. I'm a WASP, so I might be out of line in voicing my privileged opinion, but fuck it. I'm on a rant already, I might as well keep going:
This is a country of immigrants. People who want to work hard and live the american dream deserve that dream more than anyone else, admittedly far more than myself. But if you're an ILLEGAL immigrant, and want to be an american citizen, and SUBSEQUENTLY attain 1st ammendment rights, LEAVE YOUR FUCKING MEXICAN FLAG IN MEXICO!!!!!!!! I'm all for ethnic pride, for loss of identity is death of soul. But respect for the land that will have you, and appreciate you (working on that one), is a necessity.
Go buy a fucking american flag! I'm sure you can find one at any 7-11 for less than a dollar. Shit, the chinese make 'em super-cheap!

I SWEAR I'M GONNA GO FUCKING POSTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, and hats, hair, SCALP and SKULL off to Carlos Mencia and Dave Chappelle for having the balls to destroy this PC bullshit that has been cornholing this fucking country since the early '90's. (It's so pathetic that I just had to say that, but really, what else am I going to do?)

Oh My F@#$ing God!

2006-05-06T06:34:00.000-05:00

Newsflash! Uma is still as f@#$ing hot as ever! Holy Shit. Wait........why am I still awake?

For the Few that View..........

2006-05-05T18:59:00.000-05:00

I have been told by a number of people (more than one) that they were unable to view the in-page videos in the past. I have since changed the video server from 'photo'bucket to 'youtube.' Hopefully this will solve the problem. If you were unable to view videos in the past, but are able to now, I recommend checking out the past posts. At least %50 of the videos on the site are worth watching. If you have a second, please let me know if it works or not. I would really appreciate it.
Oh, and look out for angry dead birds. They are generally very bitter and looking to take their aggression out on the unsuspecting bystander.

Motorcycle Tough-Guy's Secret Life Exposed!!!!!!

2006-05-05T18:46:00.000-05:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!

OMG.

2006-05-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

Prepare to laugh.

Dead Animals!

2006-05-04T13:25:00.000-05:00

What is it about dead birds that have been run-over like 50 times that is so interesting that you (I) have to stop and stare for a minute? I mean, I'm not talking about average roadkill (squirrels, opossums, etc.), they all look different. Birds that have been runover don't look squashed like other animals. They just look like 2-dimensional versions of their formerly 3-dimensional selves. It's as if they're trapped in glass like the bad guys in "superman." When one walks the same path back-and-forth over-and-over again, sometimes multiple times a day, and there happens to be a dead tweeter on the road, one sees the same corpse many times before the corpse becomes a bad song by 'Kansas.' I asked if he wanted to come over and hang out; maybe have a beer. He just laid there. I guess he's kinda shy or something. I can't wrap my brain around this. Someone help me understand ........

Angry Fat Kids Rule!

2006-05-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

I stole this from a friend of Andrew's on "My Space." It almost made me (I mean us) piss our pants.

"Where's Beaman?" -M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

2006-05-03T03:54:00.000-05:00

Bored insomniac students at UMR have developed a new technology where still images can be captured of people's dreams from remote locations. This was captured from Beaman's dream 5 minutes ago. We call this one: "Noriko, Nate, and the Ninjew."

Oh Sh$t! We're All F%$#ed!

2006-04-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

Four students of Missouri's finest Mechanical Engineering program build a vehicle out of wood, duct tape and large rubber bands, and place relatively high in design competition. All we can say is: Be very weary of "economy cars" in the coming years.

once again, since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video

Dude Inadvertently Achieves Cultural Assimilation!

2006-04-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

In a stunning case of OMG, a dude (who chose to remain anonymous) neglects cutting his hair for three months, only to wake up one morning to realize that what seemed to be a normal style, actually turned out to be a feathery mini-mullet. OMG!! All he could say was : "Sara, Help me!"

Dorks Gone Wild!

2006-04-27T16:37:00.000-05:00

Bitter geeks seek revenge on crappy electronic devices by subjecting them to obscene compressive loads. These guys are sick!!!

Jake's Old Cell Phone Finally gets what it deserves (including bonus soundtrack)!

since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video

Tom's Crappy Speaker gets some

since most people do not have their flash player updated: direct link to video

Creepy Meter Strikes Again

2006-04-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

In this Case, Creepiness seeems to be inpedendant of Jake-Factor.

Creepy-Meter

2006-04-22T00:43:00.000-05:00

1-10? The Top-right one is my favorite. For reference, %25 Jake yields optimal creepiness.

In the Mood for Some Heine.

2006-04-21T01:50:00.000-05:00

I Want The Knife!

2006-04-21T01:38:00.000-05:00

"I said uh I, uh I, uh - I - uh-I-uh-I-uh-I-I.... want the knife......"

"I want the knife........."

"P l e a s e........."

Can I get a "hell yeah" from someone who wasn't still shitting their pants (or even existed) in 1986?

This Just In!!!! Still Too Tired to Be Creative!!!

2006-04-21T01:03:00.000-05:00

Well. Here I am. Heat Transfer project just got finished. I just home and was thinking to myself: hey. I have a blog. I should make a post on my blog. So here I am making a post on my blog. Instrumentation presentation is done. Heat transfer project just goit done. Materials is not done. Should I sleep? Should I try to do my homework? Should I promote The Wookie to 1st Sargeant? Does he deserve it? I know that he's gone through the portals and fought many a battle, more than he would care to tell me about, more than I could possibly comprehend. But If I promote him, would I not just be increasing the chances that he be hired as a mercenary? Could I not lose him forever?
It's my birthday today.
Here's to a 20-hour day.
Here's to 29 years.
May there be many more.

Too Tired to Be Creative

2006-04-20T18:01:00.000-05:00

I hurt. Did presentation 8AM today. No Sleep. Got A. Here is 'funny' video from presentation.

for the plugin-deficient: direct link to video

Entire Missouri Town Deludes Itself!

2006-04-17T15:11:00.000-05:00

In an apparent effort to curb the suicide rate, the city of Rolla, MO has launched a faux-magazine civic-pride propaganda campaign. We found this suspicious publication in our mailbox recently. When we opened the magazine, there were nothing but blank pages inside, except the publisher's name on the last page. We investigated thoroughly and concluded that these "Rolla Fun Times" did not exist. We searched for other magazines from this publisher and found only one. As part of our investigation, we visited the publisher and after some interrogation, he finally admitted that the "Rolla Fun Times" was a hoax. Unfortunately, his other publication was not.

Almost There!

2006-04-17T14:42:00.000-05:00

This photo was just recieved off of the wire. The Jakebot is now entering the wookie-portal on his way to battle the milenium chicken and mother death-nugget that so ruthlessly attacked Jake in recent past. More to come......

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

2006-04-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

Those of you that know the Jakes may know that this is one of our favorite paintings at the STL Art Museum (if it's still there. last time we went a year and a half ago it was gone) and that we have a poster of it over our bed. After this, they may have to move this sucker down the street to the zoo. Ahhhhh..... the perfect mixture of funny and creepy. Simply wonderful.

Friendship Destroyed by Dispute Over Catnip Stash!

2006-04-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

"That punk-ass ni&&a kept pimpin' my hoes and then had the nerve to try and move in on my stash, so he had to get dealt with" said Sir Wooly Bear when speaking about his former friend The Wookie. The Wookie declined to comment on the matter, but later left a threatening voicemail message on the Jakes' cell phone to the tone of "I know where you sleep, bitch."
Just say no, folks. It isn't worth it

Thursday the 13th? Creepy.

2006-04-14T19:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, the Jakes had the longest day that we can remember. We had been on campus for 11 hours already at which point, after already spending 5 hours on the univox calibration project over the course of the week (see where's beaman post below), we were told to go back and triple our amount of frequency readings. The Jakes were hungry, so after re-gathering the necessary equipment for the data aquisition, we stopped at good ol' Hardees on the way back get cheap fuel for the work awaiting us in the near future. We ordered our food, and went to sit down (yes, at Hardees, they now bring your food out to your table). As we were sitting there anxiously awaiting our low quality meal, a little boy, that could not have been more than a couple of years old, was running around the restaurant. He ran towards us until he was about 10 feet away. He abruptly stopped and looked up at us. The little boy then smiled with a big cute innocent smile that one would expect from a happy little boy. As the Jakes were stressed and angry, the smile of this little child warmed our hearts. So to return the favor, we smiled back at the little boy and waved. The little boy then immediately vomited all over the floor in front of us. True Story. Luckily, we were far enough away from the puke-fountain to not be considered collateral damage. Although disturbed by this behavior, we decided to let the little boy live.

After finishing our "meal" near a fresh puddle of baby vomit, and finally completing the data collection for the univox calibration project, we Jakes attempted to go home and do mechanics of materials homework. We worked for 2.5 hours and got half way through, at which time our brains stopped functioning. Math of any sort was no longer an option. So it was at this point that we decided to act on an earlier invitation to go out and take 'the edge' off at ol' El Maguey. We stayed for a while, mingled and chatted until 'the edge' became a chamfer, and continued to chat and mingle until the chamfer finally became a dull rounded thing of indiscernible geometry. As those of you that know the Jakes are well aware, once 'the edge' reaches this dull rounded thing, it continues to deform. And it did.

So, El Maguey turned into a person's house. This person will remain nameless to be "polite," as this person is featured in the not-so-flattering video below. (Jack and the two Joshes have both met this person and been to this house.) So, just when we Jakes thought that the circus-like events of the day could not get any more circus-like, the aforementioned resident of the aforementioned house passed out drunk in a chair. The house dog "Yoshimi," being the cunning and horny little opportunist that SHE is, saw this as a perfect opportunity to get some full-on, hard-core action. Being that we Jakes are also as fast-on-the-draw with our picture phone as we are our TI-86 graphing calculator, we managed to capture our first beasteality porn film ever! (this is not actually pornography, and is safe to view at work) We will not go into further detail on this matter, because like they say: a picture is worth a thousand words; even if those pictures and the thousands of words that they are worth, when all added up, make about as much sense as tits on a man, or the invasion of Iraq.

Needless to say, by the time we Jakes were in bed, the day had almost become a day (24 hours). We Jakes are dumber than yesterday, but we're still smarter than you, and our souls are richer for having experienced Thursday April 13th, 2006 (or 4/13/06 7:30 - 4/14/06 ~ 5:30).

We must warn you. As our friend Christian over at DGAOY would say, "There are some things that you just can't un-see."

Go Yoshimi, Go!

or for the plugin deficient: direct link to video

"Where's Beaman?" - M.L.Z.V. Chief Columnist Jake

2006-04-11T12:34:00.000-05:00

For the few that view.....
We Jakes would like to apologize for the lack of creativity in today's installment of "Where's Beaman," (even though the boxer-brief pic in the previous post is totally awesome) it was the best we could do on our 35 minute lunch break. Jakes are very busy this week. We Jakes would also like to apologize in advance if the posts are lacking over the rest of the week. If you are wondering what we are doing, we and our friend Mike (see photo below) will be attempting to 'calibrate' Jack's old univox using a spectrum analyzer, and then give a presentation on it. Those familiar with this guitar will find the humor in this.
On to the machine shop............

Jake Almost Buys Boxer-Briefs, Then Realizes that They Are Only Worn By Freaks!

2006-04-11T12:29:00.000-05:00

I mean, who buys these anyways?

Actors Severely Beaten!

2006-04-08T16:48:00.000-05:00

"He mercilessly chuck-norissed those poor actors at the park." said one witness when referring to the recent severe beatings of three of actors today at the Muny Amphitheater in forest park. The actors were performing "From Whence Thine Brook Doth Flow," a play by the obscure renaissance playwright Bartholomew Tottington. Shortly after the play began, the guitar wielding maniac ran up on stage and started to attack all three actors on stage screaming things like "You suck, now you pay!" and "I Karatony and this Guitarate!" The suspect quickly fled the scene after the beatings and has not been found. Two of the victims are in critical condition, while the third is in serious condition and continuously murmuring "Guitarate! NO! Guitarate!" Our prayers are with the victims.